don't give up on your day job

You know how people say, "Don't give up your day job"? I have no plans to, but I find myself in danger of giving up on my day job.


This would be unfortunate, for several reasons: 

• The idealistic reason: special education is needed --imperfect but necessary for those kids who need outside-the-box approaches to learning so they can bring their best to the world; 
• The social reason: my colleagues deserve a colleague who is as committed & hardworking as they are (& they are extraordinarily hardworking!); 
• The existential reason: fourteen years devoted to the same work, & a lot of personal growth during that time, has to mean something; and
• The pragmatic reason: a paycheck. I need one to support my family, & it is my paid work. If I have to be there anyway, why give up? It's an opportunity.

I won't go into details about what is behind what feels like looming burnout. It won't change my situation. In summary, since you have no idea what the job entails (and like sausage making, it might be better if you didn't know), I will say that what I am being asked to do well & what I am being provided resources to do are not in alignment. This is the same for many people in many lines of work. I am not unique in this. Unfortunately. 

What I will attempt to do, &  what I would encourage you to do if you find yourself in a similar situation, is to try to look for examples --concrete examples --of times when you felt fulfilled in your work or pieces of the job that you appreciate. This can be done with any line of employment, I think.

Let's see ...

• I have the opportunity to watch really brilliant people at work. Each has strengths: some are really good with people, some are really good with technology, some are very creative, etc.. And they work with the common purpose of wanting to make the world a better place, one child at a time. I have particular colleagues in mind & situations where they showed their stuff, but I'll tell them in person rather than in a blog. I will tell you that they do everything from making special costumes for 'their kids' (because educators tend to feel strongly about their charges), to pursuing grants in their spare time to get materials, to following their kids' progress long after they leave their classroom & school, to working with community agencies in their off-work hours to make sure kids have what they need to feel safe & healthy.

• I get to see amazing things happen when everything comes together. I have one particular student in mind who went from using behavior instead of words to communicate to using his words & language to talking about advocating for himself when we did a lesson on Martin Luther King, Jr. It was one of those things that you hope for, but reality far exceeds your hopes. There are others, but that example still makes me cry happy tears to think about it every single time I think about it. My part on his team made a difference for him in a way that will benefit him long after he leaves school.

• Recently, I began working at a new school. A teacher at the new school has the same last name as me, so he remembered my name when he was speaking to an in-law who has the same job as me. He asked if she knew me. She didn't, but she went to school with a young woman I trained as an intern (mentorship is a perk of my job --if you can mentor, I highly recommend it) about five years ago. I saved the quote back from her: "I owe so much to that genius lady."  Most of the time, I feel like an idiot, so it meant a lot that she remembered me well. I've trained quite a few interns at this point. The profession gets better with more talented people entering, & I had a small part in a bringing a few in & making them feel welcome.

I'll stop there for now. I'm sure I'll have to revisit that way of thinking when the work week starts again. I'm glad I was able to come up with a few things. That's a good sign. I can do this.

If you find you are frustrated with your paid work, please know you are not alone. Try to find a few things you like about it. If you can't, no one would fault you for beginning to move toward doing something else. Take care of yourself as you either accept your situation or work to change it, & best of luck to you. And many thanks to the people who have been taking care of me this past week. I'm going to stick it out & work through this rough patch. We'll see how it goes.