reflections on black friday

First of all, no. Not just no. Heck no. Hell no.

I have no problem at all with Friday. Me and Friday go way back. Friday means fun. Friday means the weekend. Friday means work goes bye bye for at least a couple of hours.

Black Friday? No.

Black Friday is a symptom of a larger issue. When I start talking about a Friday being a symptom of something, there are problems. 

First of all, there's the name: dead giveaway. 

Black Friday got its name because retailers wanted the pre-Christmas boost for their profits. "In the black" means to make a profit. It doesn't mean that retailers want to sell you a 54" television for $200 out of the goodness of their little corporate hearts. In fact, they don't want to sell you a 54" television for $200. They just want to get you in the front door and dazzle you and mesmerize you with shiny merchandise.

Which brings me back to hell no.

I work very hard. I earn my paycheck in ways it's best not to describe. I earn every single penny. Do I need a new TV? No. Even though the DVD player in the one I have no longer works? But what if it's only $200 ...?

I don't care.

But what about deals on gifts for family? Don't they deserve the best? Yes, they do. They deserve the very best. Better than the best, even though that's a logical impossibility.

And what is 'the very best'?  

I'd say 'the very best' is not bought from a store. It is me. They deserve me and all of the love I can muster for them. And they deserve it every day of the year, not just when retailers see December 31st headed toward them.

I will be taking my son to see Rogue One for a holiday treat this year. Sure, it'll be a blockbuster, but it'll also be a memory. I will be buying my sister a scarf my friend Melissa is making for her that she sells through her etsy shop. We've had dinner at her house, and it's how she makes a living. Last year, I got old shoe lasts and painted them like I did with this one for my friend, Deb (and I still need to get it to her, so guess what she'll be getting this year!):

True, a wooden shoe last and a scarf are stuff. I'm not anti-stuff at all. What I am is pro-thoughtfulness. When I see people physically battling one another for a box filled with something that was made with questionable labor practices so that a company worth a gazillion dollars can make another sale, it doesn't strike me as overly thoughtful. I don't know the story behind it, though. I shouldn't judge, but it doesn't look good ...

Anyway, today is Small Business Saturday, and Cyber Monday is creeping up on us. This whole weekend has been, is, and will be about sales. Please be thoughtful about when and where and how you spend your money. It doesn't need to be about flash or deals. It can be about something as simple as love. That's what holidays are supposed to be.  

cookies

I felt like baking cookies today. I actually felt like making them yesterday, but I never got around to it because I did a couple of Chewbacca drawings. What? Doesn't that happen to you? If I had a dollar for every time I got distracted from cooking on Thanksgiving by Chewbacca, I'd have ...well, I'd have a dollar. Better than nothing.

Right. I love cookies. Most people love cookies. I'd like to think all people love cookies, but there might be a few (unusual) people out there who don't. To them, I say, I'm sure you're very nice, but this might not be the blog post for you. Come back for the one I'm going to write after this about Black Friday.

For those of you who love cookies, I'll share my recipe with you. It's modified from another recipe which involves fancy stuff. I don't do fancy stuff. Fancy stuff is expensive -not how I roll. Since it's Black Friday, and since I take that to mean I should buy absolutely nothing unnecessary today because forget that, if I don't have it already in my kitchen, it ain't happening. Cookies are supposed to be about enjoyment --going broke buying fancy stuff is not enjoyable.

So, cookies!

Like I said, use what you have. 'Tis the season to have canned pumpkin (& it's on sale!), so guess what I used. Yes. Pumpkin. Also, peanut butter because it's peanut butter & oatmeal because why not?

Ingredients:

1/4 c. peanut butter

1/3 c. + 2 Tbsp. canned pumpkin

1/4 c. sugar

1/4 c. cornstarch

3/4 c. oats

1/2 tsp. baking powder

salt -a bit for flavor

vanilla extract -a bit for flavor

spices -cinnamon, stuff like that ...

add other stuff like chocolate chips or nuts or fruit or whatever you have

350 degrees Fahrenheit or 180 degrees Celsius for 10-12 minutes. Let them rest for about 10 minutes before eating, and there you go.

The original recipe called for coconut oil --2 Tablespoons of it --but I didn't have any, and pumpkin is an excellent oil or butter substitute anyway. Same goes for the cornstarch --the original recipe called for arrowroot powder, which I don't just have lying around. If you're allergic to peanut butter, maybe try another nut butter? Use what you have. By the way, this is my theme when it comes to cooking blog posts --and life. Use what you have, and don't feel bad about doing that.

No guilt: this recipe is vegan, gluten-free, inexpensive, and cookies. Enjoy!

it takes a hippopotamus

It doesn't actually take a hippopotamus --at least, not all of the time. Tonight, it took a hippopotamus. Sometimes, it takes a giraffe or a kitty or an elephant, but occasionally, a hippopotamus is what is needed.

What am I talking about? 

I'm talking about fun, friends. I'm talking about silliness. I'm talking about nothing in particular. There is enough going on in the world right now --really serious stuff that can crush your spirit, if you let it. It is important to remember to forget.

Tonight, for me, that took the form of a hippopotamus. Here's the way it works:

1. Get an extremely random idea that has absolutely nothing to do with politics or religion or world events or sickness or strife. There is a time and a place for politics and religion and world events and sickness and strife, but everyone needs to take short breaks from that. Find a random idea we can all agree on like, say, hippopotami.

2. Tweet about it (if you're on Twitter --I'm not sure this would work on Facebook ...). It will look something like this:

3. Hope someone reads it and responds so it's not just you talking to yourself. While talking to yourself is okay, it's not as much fun as when other people join in, like Aaron and others did tonight. Vania had an excellent deer ballerina, Eliza threatened to draw stick hippopotami, Dark Stardust (yes, that is her real name --I challenge you to prove otherwise!) provided a giraffe in a teacup, etc.

4. Draw a hippopotamus dancing atop the Eiffel Tower because you can and because it has nothing to do with politics or religion or world events or sickness or strife. If you're me drawing, it looks something like this:

 

Aaron also drew one, but I can't use it because copyright and I didn't bother asking. His looked slightly different.

5. Take a picture and ask for captions --again, more fun if other people actually participate. Melissa was the first in with "No matter the obstacles," and "Dance like no one's looking". There were others, but those sum it up perfectly: it's okay have fun, just like our hippo atop the Eiffel Tower. Sometimes, there's guilt associated with having fun. Really bad stuff is happening. People are yelling at each other. The world is falling apart. But, like Melissa said, "no matter the obstacles," it's okay to "dance like no one's looking". Sometimes, that dance is metaphorical, and it takes the form of drawing large land mammals dancing and talking about it with friends. 

When times are hard, we need little things to make life worth living. We need joy, if only for a moment. We need hope renewed. We need to find comfort and enjoyment in each other. 

And occasionally, on a rainy night like tonight when the world is all kinds of messed up, we need hippopotami.   

file under 'will never be published' (no. 8)

File Under 'Will Never Be Published' (no. 8):
Old-Fashioned Girls

Background: I tried to write a cohesive collection of poetry once upon a time ('once upon a time' being 2015, which feels like a million years ago now). The theme ended up being what it means to be a woman, looking at women throughout history, and it went rather dark. Apparently, I wasn't feeling too great about being a woman at the time. It had a sad and snarky tone to it, and that general grumpiness was directed at men, women, and history --because, hey, I'm all about equal opportunities.

For this particular poem, I had the TV shows Little House On The Prairie and Mad Men in mind. Traditionally, and as represented on those shows, there are certain roles that women are supposed to play in life --in the poem, these are represented by the schoolteacher, the secretary, and the wife and mother.

Recent events in the U.S. --not just the lead up to the recent U.S. election, but other events, as well --have made me think a lot about what it means to be a woman. Heck, being alive makes me think a lot about what it means to be a woman. I have no other way to carry myself through the world. I am most definitely female. Things have changed a lot since the time periods considered for the poem, but have they really changed that much? That was not a rhetorical question. I genuinely don't know.

So, the schoolteacher, the secretary, and the wife and mother. 

Of those, the wife and mother role is most straightforward --the woman who is defined by her husband and her children. Is this enough to be fulfilling? Maybe. The other two roles, the schoolteacher and the secretary, are less straightforward. Neither are married, yet they are still defined by men and children. The schoolteacher cares for other people's children; the secretary cares for other people's husbands and unmarried men. Are they respected professionals? Maybe. Again, I don't know. There is the larger question of whether women can define themselves by a metric other than by the men in their lives or by their ability to provide care or sex. Can we? Legitimately asking: can we? We women have more roles available to us now than we did during the periods I was considering in the poem, but even now, are we still defined by the same metrics?

Going on record as saying I love men and children. I have nothing against caregiving or sex. But is that all I am? I don't feel like it is. I think I'm more complex than that. Is that how the world sees me? I don't know; I'm not the world. I can only guess by what people say and how they act.

It will never be published because 1) it's not great (I'll admit it) and 2) that's reason enough. Just because I wrote something doesn't mean it's good. I think the themes are worth talking about, though, even if the poem isn't.



Old-Fashioned Girls.

Ladies, you have three options:

One, become a schoolteacher.

All of those charming children

Who will never be yours –

Send them home at the end of the day

And return to your room.

Two, become a secretary.

All of those charming businessmen

Who will be yours, one by one –

Send them home at the end of the day

And return to your typing.

Three, become a wife and mother.

The charming children

And charming businessman

Are all yours –

Dream in the night of sending them

Back to school and the office.

needing dough

Now busting into the world of cooking blogs because ...uh, I'm cooking and I feel like it? That's okay, isn't it? Nowadays, I feel like I have to check and double-check that everything's okay. That'd be the anxiety talking. I'm cooking now to try to get it to shut up.

Another source of anxiety for many people (you know, besides the state of politics and the world) is finances. I have learned to cook on a budget over the years. This has been a great help in saving money and, thus, allows me to feel more secure about finances in general. Plus it's fun. Plus I get to eat it!

So, tonight on the menu: pizza! It is (according to Twitter) National Pizza Day. According to me, every day should be National Pizza Day. I make it from scratch. It's not a perfect recipe --like I said, I try to operate on a budget. When you lack 'dough' (slang for money), making your own food can be more economical. Here is what I am about to combine in my bowl:

3 c. flour (you can add some whole wheat flour, if you're into that and have it --on a budget means you use what you have)
2 tsp. salt
1 tsp. fast-rising yeast
2 Tbsp. olive oil
sprinkle in a little sugar to keep the yeasties happy
roughly 1 1/4 c. warm water

That's it. No, really. If you're like me, part of the relaxation comes from knowing I can throw it together really quickly. No, really. I get the added benefit of the sensory act of kneading the dough and relaxing as I squish my fingers into it. The homophone is not lost on me. I need the dough --I have been feeling very anxious. I need to knead.

So, once you've thrown that together and it has the texture of slightly sticking to your fingers, cover it and leave it alone for a couple of hours (best in a warm place). Let the yeast do some of the work for you. Kick back, relax, read a book --you won't ruin it if you leave it for an hour extra. It smells great while you're waiting. What perfume is more delicious than dough rising? 

Once it's ready, throw it on a sheet pan or a pizza stone or whatever you have. Preheat the oven to whatever your highest heat setting is --it'll heat up the kitchen, which is great this time of year. Then throw whatever you want out of whatever you have on top. I've made everything from traditional red sauce & cheese to olive oil & whatever's in the fridge. It all works, and the crust makes it special. Oh yeah, cook it for around 10 minutes. Don't set your house on fire --you'll have to pay attention during that part!

If you can't use it right away, freeze it in a freezer safe bag. Take it out the morning you want to use it and let it defrost. It'll be ready by dinner time. You can use some of it and freeze some of it. Whatever means you'll use all of it is what's economical, and it's tasty in any of those permutations.

And if you want to use it to make bread or breadsticks instead of pizza? You're dead to me! Just kidding. Whatever works for you.

It's vegan friendly, but if you are gluten intolerant, this recipe is not for you, and I apologize. You probably already have a good recipe for GF dough you could share since you all have to make everything you eat anyway, it seems! I'd love it if you'd share. And speaking of sharing (tangent), food is a great way to bring people together. If you make some food, share it with your family, your friends, or a neighbor. Food is a great way to build bridges between people and to help us feel less anxious about each other.

Because these days, we truly need something that helps us cope. We need dough.

reflections on veterans day

It's Veterans Day in the US (called Remembrance Day elsewhere). The date --11/11 --was selected to commemorate the end of World War I, the "War to End All Wars". Sadly, it wasn't the war to end all wars --humanity has managed to have a couple since. We get like that sometimes ...

Soldiers who return from war are marked physically and psychologically by what they have done and what they have seen. To do those things, to see those things, means they know from experience the absolute best and the absolute worst of what humanity can be. They see bravery in the face of violence, but they also see violence.

Our President-Elect made the following statement in July of this year about a sitting U.S. Senator (who was a Presidential candidate at one time) and a Vietnam vet: “He’s not a war hero. He’s a war hero because he was captured. I like people who weren’t captured.” This was an easy, flippant comment for a man who has never seen war to make. Oh, but he was captured --he's no hero. This about a man who survived torture made by a man who avoided war because he was in college and then got a letter from his doctor saying that he had bone spurs (read: his family had money).

In our recent political history, other leaders who managed to avoid armed conflict personally at times when many others didn't or couldn't (Dick Cheney, Donald Rumsfeld, George W. Bush, ...) have advocated sending our armed service members into harm's way. Again, it is easy to be cavalier about what war means when one hasn't seen it. Dulce et decorum est pro patria mori (it is sweet and good to die for one's country). Bring it on. 


There are times when fighting is necessary. I don't question this. I just think there are segments of our society --some of them in power --who don't fully understand what happens when people are required to fight. Brain injuries, PTSD, loss of limbs, loss of life, ... . It's all very well to look at these in the abstract and shrug and say, "Well, things happen," and pat yourself on the back for kicking ass or surviving vicariously through a soldier. If you have ever spent any amount of time around anyone who has been in armed conflict before, or if you have been in armed conflict yourself, then you know: things don't just happen; they happen over and over in shockwaves.


My Dad was in Vietnam with the U.S. Coast Guard. I grew up outside D.C. and, when the Vietnam Veterans Memorial opened in the early 80s, we went. I remember him going through the books there, trying to find names --he looked for a lot of names. Later, in the 90s, he showed us pictures and talked about it --he hadn't really talked about it before. There were pictures of young men on small boats in rivers. As he talked us through the pictures, many names were used that were punctuated with, " ...But he got killed." As he described it, his group was sent in to clear areas along the rivers before the Marines came in.


My Dad survived, but there were signs at times that it was only survival. He did his best to take care of his family. That is what it means to be a veteran.


So, on this, November 11, I thank veterans for their service. I also ask our leaders to be wise about when we ask soldiers to fight. These are human beings --sons and daughters, husbands and wives, fathers and mothers, brothers and sisters. It's not a video game. These are not toy soldiers. They are willing to do what is asked of them, but let's make sure it's a last resort, and let's treat them with respect when they return.    

post-election playlist

In trying to cope to the outcome of yesterday's US Presidential election, I turn to an old friend: music. 

It is difficult to think about world events with KC & the Sunshine Band singing, "Shake shake shake ...shake shake shake ...shake your booty," in your ear. I've tried. You can't. 

Similarly, one cannot contemplate what seems to be evidence of man's inhumanity to man while Sia serenades you with "Come on, come on, turn the radio on ...". If you can, you are, in fact, inhuman.

So songs that will save us from what's happened and what's coming:

1. KC & the Sunshine Band, "Shake Shake Shake"
2. Sia, "Cheap Thrills" (especially the one featuring Sean Paul)
3. Ludwig van Beethoven, Symphony No. 9 "Ode To Joy"
4. The Dandy Warhols, "Bohemian Like You"
5. The Pixies, "Here Comes Your Man"
6. De Staat, "Sweatshop"
7. Kate Tempest, "The Beigeness" (autocorrect wants to turn that into Beignets!)
8. Mark Ronson, "Uptown Funk"
9. Johnny Cash, "Cocaine Blues"
10. LL Cool J, "Mama Said Knock You Out"

I don't tend to go too pretty when I'm as worked up as I got over the past 24 hours. I tend to lean into it and accept that I'll be calm later.

What do you have on your playlist? Because we're going to need all the music we can get ...

Or do you have something else that helps you cope?

I'd love ideas. It's quite a time to be alive.
   

never set your pants on fire

Listen up, children: never tell a lie.

Lies are deceitful and dishonest. If you tell lies, that makes you a liar. It means you are deceitful and dishonest and a bad person. People mistrust liars. People avoid liars. People hate liars.

So never tell a lie.

That’s true, Jimmy. Sometimes, we might say that we like something we don’t actually like in order to spare someone else’s feelings. Yes, like when you told your mom her dress was pretty even though she looked like a boiled sausage when she wore it. A little white lie. Yes, that was very kind of you, Jimmy. It’s not nice to make your mother cry.

So, other than that, never tell a lie.

What?

Oh, yes, Emma, I suppose sometimes we lie to help another person make it through something hard, like when your dad told you the shot wouldn’t hurt much even though it hurt like … . Where did you learn that word, Emma? You really shouldn’t use that word. It’s rude. Never mind. Your example is kind of like Jimmy’s, but I suppose that would be minimizing rather than telling a little white lie. Minimizing. It means making something seem smaller than it is.

What’s that, Oscar? Yes, I suppose when your dad works on a commercial and makes an action figure look way bigger than it actually is, that is a kind of lying. But, you see, he gets paid to make things attractive to other people so they want to buy them. It’s called advertising, and he probably wouldn’t sell many action figures if they looked as small as they really are. It’s how he earns a living. So I guess that kind of lying is okay, then, isn’t it? I mean, you need to eat, don’t you?

So, other than little white lies, minimizing, and advertising, which I suppose is a kind of exaggerating. Exaggerating? If minimizing makes things seem smaller, exaggerating makes things seem bigger and better. Other than those, no lying. You wouldn’t want to be thought of as bad people.

Wow. No, that would not make you a bad person, Samuel. If someone lied to protect someone else who was hiding and would get hurt if they were found? No. I never thought about it that way, to be honest …

No, let’s not talk about Santa Claus, Ingrid! Moving on …

I’m sure Stephen King would agree that storytelling is an acceptable lie, yes, Chloe …

You don’t actually set a liar’s pants on fire, no, Amanda. That’s an idiomatic expression ...

Sarcasm. Yes, David, sarcasm is a form of lying for effect. How do you know the word ‘sarcasm’??? You’re eight, for god’s sake ...

…You know what? That thing I said about never lie? Talk about whatever you want. Just try to be good people, okay?

Now, I am not going to go get myself a very large glass of wine and cry.

caution: radioactive blog post

Okay, the actual post isn't radioactive, but it is about radioactivity. Sort of. It's also about health care and the value of human beings, but "Caution: Medical Blog Post (And, By The Way, Humans Are Actually Worth Something)" is a bit of a mouthful.

A thought crept into my very random mind today, and I was taken back to a hospital room covered in plastic. Perfect for a Friday night, right? I spent two lovely days in that hospital room by myself, and, for whatever reason, I was thinking about it today. I think the upcoming election brought it on, because it is actually related --at least, in my mind. 

Like I said, random, but I'll get to the point eventually. 

In 2012, I was treated for Hürthle Cell Carcinoma. I've written about it before --there's no need to rehash all of that. Part of the treatment included radiation. Actually, it included a lot of radiation; it's pretty standard treatment. They review everything with you ahead of time, including the risk of developing other cancers, so that you can make an informed decision about whether or not you choose radiation as part of the treatment. It is a choice. I made the choice to undergo radiation.

I was fortunate in that I have health insurance through my employer. The radiation was covered minus the deductible and out-of-pocket expenses. In researching the radiation (hereafter referred to as the reassuringly-named I-131), however, I learned of something that would not be covered: a hospital stay following the administration of my dose.

In my research, I had come across the recommendations of the American Thyroid Association based on the recommendations of the International Commission on Radiological Protection  There were all sorts of references to mCi(mBq) --which I'm still not clear on, but are a unit of measurement -- and precautions that needed to be taken to limit exposure to other people. Here are a few of the precautions expected to be taken within the first day of I-131 treatment:

• Stay three feet away from adults
• Stay six feet away from children
• Avoid extended time in public places
• Sleep alone
• Avoid public transportation
• If you must be in a car (you know --to get home), sit alone in the back on the opposite side of the driver
• Don't stay in a hotel 
• It's preferable if you have a bedroom and bathroom you don't have to share with others
• It's also preferable if you have a big house
• If you have children, have them stay with family
• Don't take care of children
• Don't prepare food for others
• Wash everything separately from everyone else's laundry
• If you have items that you come in contact with that contain bodily fluids, put them in a special trash bag that you either take back to the hospital or wait for 80 days to dispose of with your regular trash
• If you vomit on the side of the road on the way home, call for Hazmat to clean it up
• If you must fly in the foreseeable future, take a note explaining you are not a dirty bomb

No joke. 

What was amusing was that the insurance company didn't want to cover a hospital stay despite the fact that I live in 800 square feet of living space with a child who was (at that time) five, and we had no family in the area. 

To stay in the hospital with precautions, since I couldn't go home and I wasn't supposed to go to a hotel, was going to cost around $10,000, as I found out when I asked the hospital. Yes, you read that correctly. Could I stay in a cheaper room or under less expensive conditions? Nope. Wasn't considered safe.

Needless to say, armed with information, I asked the insurance company to reconsider not paying for the hospital stay.

Our health care system, for better or worse, is profit-based. It is in a company's interest to only pay for what is necessary when trying to make a profit. I made sure to point out that they also covered my son when I asked them to reconsider not paying for a hospital stay. Children are more susceptible to radiation, and my son does share some of my genes, so a family history of cancer makes him more of a risk. Did they really want to pay for whatever he might develop as a result of me going home too soon? 

Oh yeah, and by the way, my living conditions don't meet the recommendations of the medical professionals. In short, I felt the need to appeal to the bottom line at a time when I was already dealing with more than I'd wish on anyone. 

So what do they do in other countries? Was having to ask for a hospital stay under similar circumstances the norm? I tried to find out.

In my research at the time, I came across references to people having hospital stays as a matter of the course of treatment with I-131 --specifically in the UK and Europe. In those countries, medical care is part of the benefits of citizenship. It makes sense under those conditions for public health considerations to be of more concern than the bottom line. What a concept. 

If you couldn't tell before now, I happen to agree with this way of doing things. Call me a hippy, call me whatever you like, but I don't particularly like the idea of unnecessarily exposing people to things that could make them ill because it's cheaper. I think people's health matters more than money.

I should say in fairness that the insurance company eventually agreed with me. It was a great relief to have to deal only with the whole cancer thing and not the whole economic ruin thing. I thank them for that. But it should never have been an issue, in my opinion. They were operating under a set of rules that say, in some cases, you deny coverage until you can't.

So our election. See? My random mind did, in fact, have a timely point. Health care --while not everyone's key concern in this election cycle --is an important consideration in deciding whom to vote for. For me, anyway. Any candidate who brings us closer to appropriate medical care and after care has their priorities correct. Any candidate who thinks making a profit off of illness and denying assistance to people when they are at their most desperate in order to appease shareholders is wrong. Not everyone agrees with this point of view, and that's okay. We can discuss it further. Maybe there's something in the whole discussion that I haven't considered. I only know how it affected me personally.

In the meantime, I have a ballot to cast. Please be sure to vote your conscience, too. 

And best of health to you all. 

[Update 3/22/2017: It's a different world we're living in now, but what is right is the same: taking care of each other. 

It is wrong to profit from the desperation of other people. It is wrong to leave children without access to healthcare. It is wrong to assume that a person with a disability can't be the person who has next great idea. It is wrong to decide that a poor person is not worth as much as a rich one.

But what is right is the same. And what is right is not represented by the American Health Care Act (ACHA) being put up for a vote tomorrow. I hope it does not pass. We will see.}