the second first (three) chapter(s)

Seriously, I have these things laying around like ships in a ship graveyard. Many first chapters sank to the bottom, only to be forgotten under the waves of time. If you think I'm using this metaphor because it's a pirate book, sorry --but that gives me an idea for another book ... 

Tangents are a bit of an issue. Lots of ideas, little focus. I am slowly learning & refocusing, though, and in the end, anything that can be a book will be a book. My habits are getting better. The book I wrote about in The First First Chapter? It is proceeding nicely now. It took a little nudge provided by publicly shaming myself in the nicest way possible.

Let's explore today's, shall we? This is the first chapter to a children's book I started a gazillion years ago called The Runaway Bestseller. Because they are short chapters, I'll give you three chapters for the price of one (which, incidentally, is free). I have gotten slightly distracted by my desire to teach children how to read while they are reading, but they're not awful chapters. I'm not sure I'll start this one up again. I may be struck by inspiration now that I've brought it out of the shadows, though --we'll see.

The Runaway Bestseller

Chapter 1

Mrs. Reed smiled.  “Milton, I have the perfect book for you!”

Milton hated books.  Milton hated reading.  Milton hated library on Wednesday.  Mrs. Reed was nice for a grown-up, but Milton did not like her very much right now, either.

“Mrs. Reed,” Milton shook his head.  “You know I do not like reading.  I did not like it in kindergarten.  I did not like it in first grade.  I did not even like it in second grade.  I am almost 9 years old now.  It is not going to happen.”

“Of course.  No reading.  Check the book out anyway.  Okay?”

“O-kay.  What’s it about?”  Milton asked in a way that told Mrs. Reed he did not care, no way was he reading that book.

“It’s called The Runaway Bestseller.”

Milton gave her a look.

Mrs. Reed smiled again.  She smiled too much.  “It’s funny.  The book is called The Runaway Bestseller, but it can’t be.  A runaway bestseller, I mean.  That would make it a book that everybody knows.  Nobody knows this book.  Funny, don’t you think?”

“Funny.”  Milton rolled his eyes.

“Let me go get it for you.”  Mrs. Reed walked through a doorway and closed the door.  Milton could not see her in there, but boy, could he hear her!  Some bumps.  A bang or two.  A bunch of thumps.  Milton even heard a clang.  What was going on back there?  It sounded like Dad working on the car in the garage.

The door opened and Mrs. Reed walked out.  She looked different than when she walked in.  Her cheeks were red now.  She was breathing hard.  And her hair –oh boy, was her hair a mess!  Did she look for a book in there, or did she have a PE class?  

Milton saw a small brown book in her hands.  The book was not there before she went in. 

“Here we go.”

She set the small brown book down on the counter.  The letters on the cover looked like they were made of gold --gold covered with dust.  Milton read the words in his head:  The… Run… away… Best… sell-er.  So this was the book.  It did not even have a picture on the cover!  Or maybe it did.  It was hard to tell with the dust.

“Oh, let me clean that off for you.”  Mrs. Reed picked up the book and wiped off the dust with a rag.  Milton was right.  No dust now and still no picture.  Mrs. Reed handed the book to him.  He stuck out one hand and grabbed it.  The cover felt soft, like his dad’s leather coat.  A leather cover?  Weird for a library book.

“I can’t scan it, so I will write down that you have it,” Mrs. Reed said.

“I’m not going to read it.”

Mrs. Reed was writing on a clipboard.  She smiled again.  “Enjoy the book.  Looks like your class is lining up.  See you next Wednesday!”

Chapter 2 

Milton put The Runaway Bestseller in his backpack when he got back to class.  He tossed the book into his backpack the way you toss an apple into the garbage can when you are done eating.  Then he sat down at his desk and took out his math. 

Milton did not think about the book at all during math.  Or during recess.  Or during lunch.  Or during any part of the school day.  He did not think about the book at all until it was time to go home.  

He needed to put his homework folder in his backpack.  The book was in the way.  He moved it out of the way.  Stupid book, he thought, and he stuffed his folder into the backpack.  He stopped thinking about the book by the time he zipped the backpack shut.

Dad was home when he got opened the front door.  Dad called out, “Hey, Mom is still at work.  What do you want for dinner tonight?”

Milton was in charge of dinner?  Awesome!  He called back, “How about pizza and ice cream?”

“How about no?  Try again.” 

“I don’t know.  Just no broccoli.” Milton made a face and walked into the kitchen. Dad was sitting at the counter.

Dad smiled.  “You got it, chief.  Do you have homework?”

“No.”

“Nice try.  What is your homework?”    

Milton groaned and dropped his backpack on the floor.  “The usual.  Reading, writing, math.” 

He started with math.  It only took five minutes to do.  Milton was great at math.  He  did not need any help with that.  

Next came writing.  The writing homework took more time and he needed Dad’s help.  He had to start a report about an explorer.  He had to choose one, so he and Dad looked on the computer.  They picked Vasco da Gama.  

Then it was time for reading.  He pulled the brown leather book out of his backpack.

“Remember: you have to read at least 30 minutes.  It’s 4:00 now, so read until …?”  Dad stopped and looked at Milton.

“4:30.”  

Dad nodded.  “That’s my boy.  You can read in your room while I start dinner.  And don’t worry,” Dad said. “No broccoli.  Promise.” 

 

Milton walked into his room and closed the door.  He dropped the book and himself on his bed.  He thought about what he had told Mrs. Reed.  “I’m not going to read it.”  He did have to do his reading homework.  Milton would not tell her.  Reading the book would be his secret.  

Chapter 3

Milton opened the cover to the title page.  The paper was yellow with age.  The page was kind of crispy.  An old book.  There were the words again: The Runaway Bestseller, typed in black ink.  Under the title was the word ‘Anonymous’.  

It took Milton a minute to sound it out.  An –on- ee- moose, he thought to himself.  That was where they put the writer’s name in books, so that must be the writer.  An –on –ee –moose.  Anonymous.  Weird name.  Weird name for the weird writer of a weird book.  And there were still no pictures.  Ugh!

He turned to page one.  He smiled.  Maybe this book was going to be okay.  On page one, Milton saw six words.  Six words!  The book looked like it had 100 pages, but only six words on a page?  This was going to be easy.

Looking at the words, only the last word was going to be hard.  He knew the other five words, but that last word was really long.  He read in his head: Read, this, word, out, loud.  Easy.  Now for the last word.  

Humblebumbleflumble.

Milton groaned.  He needed to break up the big word.  He saw the letters ‘u-m-b-l-e’ three times.  Um –bull.  Now he just had to add the letters that came in front of um –bull.  There was hum –bull, and there was bum-bull, and last was flum-bull.  Hum-bull bum-bull flum-bull.  Hum-bull-bum-bull-flum-bull?  What kind of a word was that?      

He turned the crispy yellow page.  The next page had no words.  He flipped more pages.  There were no words on any of the other pages.  

The Runaway Bestseller was not just okay --it was the greatest book of all time!  A kid only had to read six words, but parents and teachers would think a kid was reading a 100-page book.  

Mrs. Reed was right.  This was the perfect book for Milton.   

.   .   .

The next day, homework time came again.  Mom was at work again.  Dad was in the kitchen making dinner again.  Today, they were having macaroni for dinner.  Milton closed his door and flopped down on his bed for reading homework again.  

This time, he had a plan.

He would read the six words and flip through the rest of the pages.  Then, with the rest of the time, he could play or maybe draw.  He had to stay quiet so Dad would not know his plan.  If Dad found out, he would have to choose a different book, a real book with real words.

He opened The Runaway Bestseller to page one.  Read this word out loud: humblebumbleflumble.  It was way easier to read that long word today.  Milton stopped. 

“Wait a minute,” he said to himself. 

He was thinking too much about reading the words.  He was not thinking about what the words said.  Read this word out loud.  The writer wanted him to read that long word out loud.  Weird.  Milton was in his room, so no one would hear him.  Since he was alone and no one would hear, he gave it a try.

“Humblebumbleflumble,” he mumbled.            

BANG! 

.   .   .