hey, good-looking!

Yeah, I'm talking to you! Yeah, you! Hey ...

Why don't you come on over here and let's chat for a bit. Just you and me and the rest of the Internet ...

Can you please define 'attractive' for me? I find it a very confusing concept. It seems like a lot of people base that on physical attractiveness, or good looks. It's very confusing. "Could you help me figure it out?" she asks, twirling her hair on her finger.

Looks are a very small part of 'attractive' for me. I called you 'good-looking' because I noticed what you're interested in, heard you say some very intelligent things, felt the lightness of laughter when you made a joke that was clever, ... 

If I am around someone enough, all I can see are the physical parts that meet some standard of beauty (I'll be using 'beauty' for everyone because it's about symmetry, balance and proportion), if you have a great personality --and you do. I see your smile. I notice the twinkle in your eye. I'll think, "Wow, what great ankles!" Not kidding --if that's what you have, that's what I will see. And I will take in the rest and think the whole package is beautiful because it is you.

If I'm around someone and they have 'good looks' (which I'll call youth, bone structure, symmetry, balance and proportion), but it is immediately apparent something's off about his or her personality, all I can see is what's off physically, even if it's ever so slight, or I find them boring. That's not you, so don't worry. 

I'm always amazed at how hung up on physical appearance people can get. It's everywhere, it seems. Even I get hung up my own physical appearance sometimes, and I know better than to do that because I have little to no control over things like my height, my body type, my age, my gender, or my health status. Maybe I shouldn't have called you 'good-looking'. Maybe I should have told you what I really find attractive about you?

You are attractive to me because of the following:

• Intelligence and curiosity
• Humor
• Kindness
• Creativity
• Bravery (especially if you're naturally apprehensive)

And those things change very little over time, thank goodness, except maybe to become more pronounced. Always looking ahead, that's me. Let me tell you, you are looking good ahead!  

When it comes to looks, you have little control over that. You are the size you are. You are the age you are. You are the height you are. You have the color eyes you have. You have whatever medical conditions you have. Some of that you can't change --you were born with it. Some of that will change, but you can't control it. So let worrying about those things go.

And concentrate on what really makes you good looking to people who matter: the things inside.