nanowrimo no

I will not finish NaNoWriMo the way I am supposed to finish it.

This is not being negative. This is fact. What I am writing is too complex to rush. It is Sunday, November 26th, and beginning tomorrow, I have to work full time and attend meetings before and after work. It's fact.

And I'm okay with it.

If you find yourself in the same circumstances, come on along, hold my hand, and get ready for some writer love. (If you've met your goal of 50,000 words, congratulations. You may come along, too, but may not need as much love since 50,000+ words.)

If you started NaNoWriMo with good intentions, remember that.

If you made progress --any progress --on something you've been wanting to try, remember that.

If you think your story is worth telling, remember that.

If you think you can improve as a writer by practicing, remember that.

If you caught yourself engaging in old habits that interfere with writing and did something about it more than you used to, remember that.

If you plan to continue working on your work until it is finished, remember that --and then do it.

NaNoWriMo can become, if you let it, just another reason to beat yourself up. That's if you didn't finish within the allotted time.  Conversely, if you met your goal, it can become an excuse to rest on your laurels because goal met.

Instead, let your experience be motivation. If you started your novel, and if you actually enjoy writing, or if it is a goal you have for yourself to finish something you start, why not keep going? That's what NaNoWriMo's supposed to be about, so far as I can tell --motivation, learning, and sharing the experience with likeminded writers.

So, NaNoWriMo? No. I will not have 50,000 words by Thursday. 

But finishing this book well and then writing the next thing? Yes. And I invite you to join me. Let me know how it went and how it's going.

two pages

As you know, word count is a big thing for NaNoWriMo. The aim is at least 50,000 words by November 30. People track their progress by the number of words completed. I was aiming for at least 40,000 words, since that's the cutoff for a novel according to the Interweb.

I asked my friend Melissa (hi, Melissa! *waves*) to read two chapters for feedback and to check for parallel structure this evening, and she kindly obliged. One of the chapters, she liked; the other, not so much. Thankfully, the one she likes is the one I would probably retire from writing if she hadn't liked, so whew on that one. The other one? My ego smarts a bit, but I know something is off --she's right. 

I think the parallel structure is off. To correct it, I need to lose about 500 words. From my project for NaNoWriMo. Not only am I talking about editing, I'm talking about cutting my word count by quite a bit for the day.

A little panic set in. Maybe I should just leave it? I'm supposed to wait to edit, right? Losing words in this battle that is all about having enough words seems extremely counterproductive. Yikes.

And then, I realized my panicked reaction reminded me of something from high school ...

[insert groovy flashback waves]

Biology class. Our teacher, Mr. Shall-Remain-Nameless, give us an assignment to write three pages on ...something. I blocked that part out. This isn't a pleasant story. Anyhow, the assignment was to write three pages and we were given a list of questions we needed to answer in those three pages.

I answered all of the questions thoroughly in two pages.

For my trouble, I received a 67% (a failing mark) because I only did 2/3 of the work, even though it contained all of the needed content. I like to think it was also extremely well written, but I honestly can't remember --it was high school, and that happened in the last century.

I didn't use enough words, but the content was sufficient that I received full credit for that part of it.

As an educator, I think that was a questionable call on that teacher's part, but that's hindsight. At the time, I complained but accepted the grade since those were the directions. I tended to have trouble following directions I found arbitrary, so accepting lower marks for disagreements wasn't anything new.

In the here and now, it's my call. I'd rather say what I want to say succinctly, without added words just to add words. Why add words that don't serve any purpose other than to take up some of the word count? 

I will end up with more than 40,000 words when all is said and done --this plot I'm working with is too complex for that not to happen. Do I need those extra 500 words now that make it sound "wrong"? No. I'd rather get rid of them now and not have them muddy things up.

Is that contrary to the way NaNoWriMo is done? *shrug*

I will finish this novel. Will it be done within the NaNoWriMo timeframe? Maybe. We'll see. Likely, it'll be in December, but I am working on it. The important part is that it will get done in the number of words and the number of pages it needs to be to tell the story I'm telling. 

nanowrimo: the revenge

Sweet Jesus. Is it over yet?

Did the novel miraculously write itself? Did magical elves sneak out of the cupboards to craft a story while I slept or perhaps while I was at work all day?

No?

Oh. That's probably a good thing because, uh, cupboard-dwelling elves sound kind of creepy. But it would be nice to be further along.

I've seen many, many word count updates for NaNoWriMo on Twitter. While I know it is wrong to compare one's own work to other people's, and while I am very happy that other people are progressing as well as they are, I can't help but feel a little behind because I'm pretty sure I am. I have no word count to report because, to be honest, I have no idea how many words I have. It is in the nature of what I am writing that word counts are a bit misleading, anyway (don't want to give too much away, but I have five pages filled with text that count as five words total --a reader's dream!).

On the plus side of the whole experience so far, I have begun working again on the novel I abandoned about 18 months ago. I have resisted the urge to chuck it to the side to concentrate on short stories, which I honestly prefer writing. I have sorted out some of the details that stumped me before. I have a clear vision now of what the story is about, and more importantly, why I feel strongly about finishing it. Not that I have anything earth-shattering to contribute to the literary canon, but it is mine, and I've grown quite fond of the idea of putting this thing together in a way that doesn't suck too badly.

Other things I've been learning/thinking about:

1. Ksenia Anske mentioned something recently on Twitter, and an essay I read in The Paris Review by Claire Dederer today echoed a similar sentiment: protect your time for writing. I've been giving mine away because everything & everyone else is more important. That's fine, but I'd like to finish this, well if possible. At some point very soon, I need to become more antisocial (but not in a Unabomber kind of way). 

2. Speaking of Twitter, Twitter is like crack. I need to reverse the ratio of Twitter time: writing time. Fact.

3. When I am done with this, I need to read more novels. I used to read more novels than I do now. I'm a bit rusty on remembering exactly what goes where in a good one.

4. For things of this length, not having a collaborator to bounce ideas off of is making me cuckoo. I like collaboration A LOT. I like talking to myself a little, but collaboration makes me happy. Writing anything this long without feedback plays on my insecurities, I suppose.

5. I should have researched and thought about this book in more detail before I started putting too much down on paper. I know I'm not supposed to edit during NaNoWriMo, but to hell with that --I couldn't look at some of this without wanting to throw up. I edited some. It happened to result in a few more words, so there.

6. In future, when writing something for NaNoWriMo or other similar event of short duration and maximum output, I should write what I know. What am I writing this NaNoWriMo about? No idea. Seriously, I have to look everything up. Things I know nothing about, yet am trying to write about knowledgeably: academia, philosophy, animal research, African-American history, Las Vegas casinos, thought experiments, the work of William Shakespeare (okay, I know a little about that), webcams, and more philosophy. Oh, and stripping, Korean attitudes toward female-to-male transsexuals, and homeless encampments. Next time I try something this long, my protagonist will be named Agatha Sidewinder and I will just keep a diary and call it fiction.

Not giving up, but sweet Jesus ... 

There are eight more days and no elves hiding in my cupboards. I hope.

sunday's not monday

"Tomorrow is Monday."

She lies there on her side, sheets wrapped around her like swaddling clothes. Daylight peeks in through drawn curtains --is she awake? She is awake, but only just barely. She lies still in the bedsheets and thinks about the day beyond today.

Her thoughts shift and she flips over onto her stomach.

"Yesterday was Saturday. I wasted Saturday, and now, tomorrow is Monday."

Her thoughts slide back into their original position. She flips onto her side again. The daylight is still there, peeking in and waiting for her. It takes a moment for her to realize the daylight is there because she only wants to squint to see past the daylight.

She adjusts her focus. Daylight.

"Today is Sunday."

"It's Sunday morning."

She looks at the clock. She can see it now without much effort; the sunrise has turned on the light for her. The second hand ticks like a foot tapping.

"It's 7:00 on Sunday morning. There is a whole day ahead, and right now, the sun is coming up. And Sunday's not Monday."

She unwraps herself. The daylight plays with her toes as she sets them on the floor.

___________________________

Enjoy the rest of your day.

a silly little rhyme

here's a silly little rhyme,
for I haven't got the time
to write a rhyme sublime,
and I think I've found that I'm 
not at all inclined to mime
or commit a petty crime
or go bathe myself in slime
or wait for silent bells to chime
or go digging in the grime
or spend another stinking dime --
no, the moment now is prime
for a silly little rhyme,
so ...

[repeat ad infinitum and have a good day!]

villanelle for the exhausted

there's nothing special on my mind,
but still, it's filled with life's travails,
and I'm in need of something kind.

the wind will blow, and I'll unwind --
I'll lose my thoughts in gusts and gales
'til nothing special's on my mind.

those that will seek will also find
(or so it's said in fairy tales),
and I'm in need of something kind

move forward, back, ahead, behind;
that which succeeds --it also fails.
there's nothing special on my mind.

the trees for which my soul has pined,
the rolling hills and gentle dales --
I dream of them and something kind.

but here I sit, again resigned --
I have no treasures, quests or grails,
and nothing special on my mind.
I wait in hope for something kind.

thoughts for a rainy monday night in the middle of nanowrimo

A little warm up for post-work NaNoWriMo writing. I've come in from the blustery rain and cold and dark, both metaphorically and literally (hello, Seattle in November!), and I'm getting ready to put words on screen. Besides these words, I mean --NaNoWriMo words.

At this point, from what I can see on Twitter, many of the writerly types are into the hard slog portion of the exercise. Second week exhaustion? Is that a thing? It seems to be a thing even if it doesn't have a name.

I am there, too, but I'm an odd sort. I'm used to writing being hard slog --the up side to having written a gazillion reports over the past 15 years when I haven't felt like it and I would rather have been [insert any activity that is even remotely enjoyable here]. I am thankful that my day job involves so much writing and thinking. It's been excellent training.

Keep going. The truth is, this stuff always gets done if you keep at it. Again, 15 years of experience, and I know this to be fact. Keep going. There is room in the exercise to enjoy this, even if it is a sort of masochistic joy. You are creating something from nothing, and it can be whatever you want. Whatever. You. Want. Keep going.

And good luck.

communication bill of rights

I haven't talked about my day job in a while --what with NaNoWriMo, current events, and such. Maybe I'll delve into that today?

My day job is going very well at the moment. This was not the case a year ago, but what a difference a year makes. What changed? Two things: me & the job. The job is still the same: I work with kids with disabilities, helping them develop their communication skills. The difference this year is I'm responsible for a little over half as many children as last year, but with access to as many resources. All of those things I've been wanting to do? I can actually get to some of them this year. It feels more like a challenge and less like a Sisyphean task. It's not fair to anyone involved when it feels like a task --they're human beings. I like the idea that I can be fair and treat them less like a box to tick off and more like individuals with likes, dislikes, and different learning needs.

And me? I understand more. For those of you unfamiliar with it, this is the Communication Bill of Rights (yes, it's a thing):

All people with a disability of any extent or severity have a basic right to affect, through communication, the conditions of their existence. Beyond this general right, a number of specific communication rights should be ensured in all daily interactions and interventions involving persons who have severe disabilities. To participate fully in communication interactions, each person has these fundamental communication rights:

1. The right to interact socially, maintain social closeness, and build relationships
2. The right to request desired objects, actions, events, and people
3. The right to refuse or reject undesired objects, actions, events, or choices
4. The right to express personal preferences and feelings
5. The right to make choices from meaningful alternatives
6. The right to make comments and share opinions
7. The right to ask for and give information, including information about changes in routine and environment
8. The right to be informed about people and events in one’s life
9. The right to access interventions and supports that improve communication
10. The right to have communication acts acknowledged and responded to even when the desired outcome cannot be realized
11. The right to have access to functioning AAC (augmentative and alternative communication) and other AT (assistive technology) services and devices at all times
12. The right to access environmental contexts, interactions, and opportunities that promote participation as full communication partners with other people, including peers
13. The right to be treated with dignity and addressed with respect and courtesy
14. The right to be addressed directly and not be spoken for or talked about in the third
    person while present
15. The right to have clear, meaningful, and culturally and linguistically appropriate communications 

 

It's written specifically for people with severe disabilities and communication difficulties, but if you think about it, it's about all of us. I've been thinking about that a lot lately, about the importance of being able to interact with others and feel safe and respected. We are all autonomous beings, and we all have something in us that is unique and distinct. Looking at the Communication Bill of Rights this morning, as I get ready to start my NaNoWriMo writing for the day, I am particularly struck by Communication Right Number 11. For a person who cannot speak, the AAC device is their voice. It is incredibly important to allow people access to their voices. I understand more and more what an honor it is to be able to help people learn to use their voices to say whatever it is they feel they need to say. Everyone has a voice --some are louder than others, but everyone has a right to be heard.

Have a good day today and don't forget to use your voice however you see fit. It's your right.

 

nanowrimo update: day 7

If
only
we
could
count
lines
instead
of
words,
I
would
write
my
novel
like
this
and
be
done
more
quickly.

Except
that's
not
the
point.

The
point
is
not
the
speed --
or
it
shouldn't
be.
It's
the
story.

And
that's
all
that
matters.