file under 'will never be published' (no. 6)

file under 'will never be published' (no. 6): 

The One Who's Left 

Background: Get your tissues ready if you're prone to fits of crying. Not kidding. This one is pretty heavy.

I was diagnosed with Hürthle Cell Carcinoma, a form of thyroid cancer, in 2012. I warned you to get your tissues ready, didn't I? I underwent surgery and radiation that year to treat the cancer, and it appeared to have been addressed sufficiently that no further treatment was needed at that time. I continued to go in for monthly blood work to monitor my thyroid levels for recurrence. In 2014, there appeared to be an issue with my thyroid levels. I had to go in for further testing to determine whether the cancer was spreading, but the tests are a process that take some time. While I waited, I had time to think --always a dangerous thing when confronting your own mortality.

My son was seven years old at the time. What does a mother want to tell her son when there is a chance she won't be able to be there for him? I tried to write it in a form that a child could understand. I wanted him to know that sometimes people leave. It happens, even if we'd rather it didn't. I wanted him to know that I wanted him to have a fulfilling life. I wanted him to know that I love him. This poem was the result.

This story has a happy ending: The cancer is managed. I get to live with a cancer that has an umlaut (this makes me feel like a badass!) and keep its lessons with me. Blood testing and checking in with the doctor happen less frequently now.  I haven't had to use the poem yet, and I don't expect to need it for many years to come. And after all of that, I get to tell my son I love him in person --a gift that I do not take for granted.

It will never be published for the following reasons: 1) it rhymes; 2) it's poetry; and 3) it covers a difficult topic in an unfashionable way.


The One Who's Left

Yes, I will be leaving soon –

And this is how it has to be.

You should know, I’d never leave

If the choice were left to me.

I would sing a song with you –

A simple, little melody.

You should know, I’d never leave

If the choice were left to me.

I would dance a dance with you –

I’d shake my hips and bend my knee.

You should know, I’d never leave

If the choice were left to me.

I would play a game with you

And move the pieces: 1-2-3.

You should know, I’d never leave

If the choice were left to me.

I would read some books with you –

We’d pick them from the library.

You should know, I’d never leave

If the choice were left to me.

I would build a fort with you

And make our home up in a tree.

You should know, I’d never leave

If the choice were left to me.

I would take a walk with you,

Through a park or by the sea.

You should know, I’d never leave

If the choice were left to me.

I would fly a kite with you

And catch the wind’s velocity.

You should know, I’d never leave

If the choice were left to me.

I would see the world with you,

Exploring its geography.

You should know, I’d never leave

If the choice were left to me.

I would view the stars with you

And watch the night’s astronomy.

You should know, I’d never leave

If the choice were left to me.

I would share my dreams with you –

Those things perhaps will come to be.

You should know, I’d never leave

If the choice were left to me.

Now it’s time for me to go.

I leave you with one thing to do:

Live a life that’s full and rich.

That’s the wish I leave with you.

Sing a silly, little song –

Sing a little do-re-mi.

If you do this, I’ll never leave –

Do this and remember me.

Dance a sweet and somber dance,

Or swing around --dance wildly.

If you do this, I’ll never leave –

Do this and remember me.

Play a smart and thoughtful game

And make your moves strategically.

If you do this, I’ll never leave –

Do this and remember me.

Fly a light and airy kite.

Please lift it up and set it free.

If you do this, I’ll never leave –

Do this to remember me.

Read some books that you enjoy –

Adventure or a mystery?

If you do this, I’ll never leave –

Do this to remember me.

Build a fort with wood and nails

And have some fun with carpentry.

If you do this, I’ll never leave –

Do this to remember me.

Take a long and peaceful walk,

Along the hills or by the sea.

If you do this, I’ll never leave –

Do this to remember me.

Go and see the wide, wide world –

Explore its great diversity.

If you do this, I’ll never leave –

Do this to remember me.

Look above at twinkling stars

And find a distant galaxy.

If you do this, I’ll never leave –

Do this to remember me.

Live a life that’s full of dreams –

Those things you dream will come to be.

If you do this, I’ll never leave –

Do this to remember me.

Hear my wish: enjoy yourself

And live your life triumphantly.

You should know, I’ve never left
As long as you remember me.