saying no to sisyphus

Everyone knows the story of Sisyphus, sort of. He was the guy in Greek mythology with the boulder, right? He rolled the boulder up the hill, and it rolled back down, and then he rolled it up, and it rolled back down, ad infinitum. That's him, right?

Along comes the 20th Century and Sisyphus is celebrated as an absurd everyman. We're all Sisyphus now, rolling our metaphorical boulders up metaphorical hills and down they come again and up we push them again, over and over again, until we die.

Except ...

1. Sisyphus was a bit of an entitled jerk, and the boulder rolling was a punishment. I mean, the guy was a king who didn't like to honor his contracts, thought he was smarter than everyone else, and was disloyal to everyone but himself. The boulder rolling occurred in the Underworld, not in this one.

2. We tend to overapply the term to mean anything repetitive (or I do anyway). Sometimes, doing things repetitively is a means of meditation, and is not meant to be a source of frustration. Think of knitting or prayer beads or deep breathing. 

3. We tend to feel something is Sisyphean when it doesn't come to immediate fruition, in some cases within our lifetime. That doesn't mean it's not meaningful. He was rolling a boulder. For what purpose? For no purpose. But what if that boulder were something like, say, advancing educational opportunities for more people or civil rights? You're not just pushing for yourself.

4. With a growth mindset, failures or setbacks --think of that stone rolling down --are a learning opportunity. If we start again, it may not be the same boulder --maybe we modify it before we start rolling it again, or perhaps we don't tackle that hill the same way, or maybe we modify the hill, or develop new tools, or maybe we ask for help. Or maybe that boulder was one we tried to tackle many different ways and it didn't end up being one we could successfully roll. That happens. Sisyphus couldn't leave --we can, after we give it a try.

So Sisyphus is simplistic. We're not Sisyphus --we don't have to be.  We may roll some heavy stones, but we try to be conscious of which stones we roll, and how. Oh, and if you feel tired from pushing that rock? It's understandable. Sisyphus wasn't allowed to take breaks, but you are. 

Happy end of 2017.

  

unintended consequences

In the space of about five minutes this morning, I've come across two references to unintended consequences, so let's go there this morning ...

The first thing I came across was a movie from this year that I hadn't heard about prior to today because I live under a rock, I think. The name of the film is Roman J. Israel, Esq., which stars Denzel Washington. Reading a summary of the film, it sounds as though a "good" man gives up and goes for the money, but then, there are unintended benefits and he may be finding himself again. Or something. I haven't seen the film, but it looks interesting.

The second thing I came across was a tweet thread (a thread is a Twitter thing --you might not understand) by Dr. Andrew Thaler. It spoke about how the porgs in the new Star Wars film The Last Jedi were actually puffins that couldn't be erased from footage shot at Skellig Michael, an island off the coast of western Ireland, and the unintended consequence of including the porg/puffins may actually be good for conservation efforts indirectly. (Unfortunately, another possible unintended consequence I just read about was possible loss of Skellig Michael's UNESCO World Heritage status because it's getting too many visitors following the Star Wars exposure).

Humans cannot see the future. All the tea leaves in all the world cannot tell you what may happen later today, let alone a year from now, five years from now, a decade from now. We can use what we have --past experience, data --but it's all ultimately guessing because we exist in a complex system. There may be unintended benefits, unintended drawbacks, or perverse results (meaning the opposite result of what was intended occurs --think the Western concept of bad karma). The point is, they will happen, regardless of all of our planning and most definitely because of our lack of planning or ignorance.

Do I have any answers? Nope. Not a one. Just thinking about this stuff, and I'm left with more questions than answers. If you have any answers about predicting the future accurately (besides self-fulfilling prophecies --can't stand those things!), please let me know.

theirs not to reason why

Having a flashback this morning. No, not drug-induced. Not really trauma-induced (although more on that throughout) ...

I'm having a flashback to 2012. That was the year everyone seemed to be going through the angry stage of grieving, or perhaps every stage of grief that occurs pre-acceptance.

You see, I work with children. I may have mentioned that once or twice before. Because I work with children, I also work with families --parents, grandparents, etc. The children I work with have disabilities. Family members have a variety of feelings about that which they work through over time.

In 2012, it wasn't going too well. Several families were struggling to come to terms with who their children are. All at the same time. With lawyers involved.

We had reached a point with one family where the relationship between the parents and the school parts of the educational team had broken down entirely. In these educational teams, all of the members have something to contribute and we are all supposed to work together for the education of the student, keeping the student's needs first in our minds at all times. This was not happening in 2012.

These parents did not trust us to do our jobs, for whatever reason, and that spilled over into everything. It was not a joyful time. It was not even a tolerable time. What it was, I can say on reflection, was a time in which nothing we could do or say would ever be good enough because they were grieving. We knew that at the time, because it happens a lot, but it's hard to remember that the anger and words sometimes are more about the person saying them than the person they are directed at.

I find myself thinking about one particular event during this time. There is a valuable lesson in it, which is why I am writing this down and sharing it.

One of the parents had done an observation in the classroom. As we always do, we were thoughtful in coming up with an activity and materials that are appropriate for all students and allow them to participate. Furthermore, we try to make the activities engaging so all of the students want to participate. The parent had a lot of questions about the activity, as happens, and we had an after school meeting scheduled to discuss that and other issues since school teams can't really meet during school hours (because that's when we teach kids).

At the after school meeting, the parent asked many questions that required thoughtful explanations, which we provided. School teams sometimes come up with a form of shorthand thinking needed to be efficient (there are a lot of kids!), but we should be able to explain everything that we are doing when we are asked, and we did that.

Then the parent brought up the student's seating.

The student had been seated at a table with another student. It was not in the center of the room. Were we trying to exclude him? Why wasn't he seated more centrally? The parent wanted him seated centrally.

No one gets into special education to make kids feel excluded. We set about coming up with a way to seat him centrally. How would we do this? How would we do that? We all looked at each other with panic while we were discussing what would be needed, knowing the amount of time that would be required to make that happen --time that couldn't go towards the activity.

Our lawyer stopped our panicked troubleshooting.

"Why?"

The parent had no answer.

The fact was, the student was seated closer to instruction than the other students in the classroom. All of the groupings in the classroom were in groups of 2-3 students; he was paired with an appropriate peer. His participation was encouraged throughout. Had we tried to reconfigure the room (essentially what the parent was asking for), it would have discouraged his participation in his daily activities and would have taken time away from instruction for the lesson the parent observed, a lesson that would only occur once.

Why?

There are times when we want to do the right thing, and someone will tell us what they believe that right thing to be. We get very busy sometimes, and we are so used to making things happen, that we don't stop to ask if what we are doing is the right thing to do or necessary. People want what they want, and that's fine. 

But it is not wrong to stop and ask why (or for what purpose). Sometimes, the answer to "why?" is no answer at all, except that it's the way it's always been done or it's the way someone wants it because they just do or there are larger issues that no amount of scrambling can compensate for. 

It is okay to ask why, and sometimes, it's our responsibility to ask.

i understand the luddites

Preparing to do my daily writing on a computer that took a while to update ... *insert writerly grumbling*

Deep breaths. Patience is a virtue. And now, for a little writing warmup --a villanelle.

i understand the luddites: a villanelle

we throw our phones against the wall --

efficiency's a poor excuse.

technology must surely fall!

you make us feel weak & small,

& we recoil from the abuse --

we throw our phones against the wall.

so we begin our vicious brawl.

it tried but failed to seduce --

technology will surely fall!

...

we lack sufficient wherewithal --

destruction now seems half-obtuse.

we threw the phone against the wall.

we can't return the agent's call,

& violence constitutes misuse --

our anger came before the fall.

we'll bathe our wounds in alcohol.

we're slow but eager to produce?

we threw our phones against the wall,

& so, we brought about our fall.

optimism: a list

Trigger warning: there may be some politics in here --just a little. 

So this is the eve of the day on which the US Senate, in their infinite wisdom, passed their version of a tax reform bill. If you're the sort of person who worries about paying tax on the upkeep of your private plane, it might have been okay for you. For everyone else, it was an unmitigated disaster.

Fear not, though, everyone else! 

Firstly, the House has to pass their own version (they will), and then the two houses have to agree on the end result (they will), so maybe all of this stress is for naught. I mean, maybe they'll stop being greedy bastards and start caring about all of their constituents? It could happen (in my dreams). 

Secondly, as the infrastructure crumbles around our ears and as we enter the next decade with less opportunity and less financial certainty here in the good ol' US of A, we still have some things that tone-deaf politicians cannot take away from us. Sorry, Whitney Houston --they can take away our dignity, but here are some other things they can't get their grubby little mitts on ...

1. The laughter of children

2. A kind word

3. Friendship

4. Stupid jokes

5. Black Sabbath cranked up to 11

6. Bravery

7. Origami cranes

8. Bad haircuts

9. A good cry

10.The stars in the sky

11.Street art

12.Memories

13.The desire to be a ninja and/or a pirate

14.Good will

15.Stones (rolling or otherwise)

16.An admiration for Robin Williams

17.Dandelions

18.Our ability to learn Morse code

19.Love

or

20.Our f***ing humanity

None of the items on this list mean anything to them because they can't be monetized. That's fine. I'd take the items on this list over whatever they're getting out of this whole debacle any day.

Love and best wishes to you all.

communication bill of rights

I haven't talked about my day job in a while --what with NaNoWriMo, current events, and such. Maybe I'll delve into that today?

My day job is going very well at the moment. This was not the case a year ago, but what a difference a year makes. What changed? Two things: me & the job. The job is still the same: I work with kids with disabilities, helping them develop their communication skills. The difference this year is I'm responsible for a little over half as many children as last year, but with access to as many resources. All of those things I've been wanting to do? I can actually get to some of them this year. It feels more like a challenge and less like a Sisyphean task. It's not fair to anyone involved when it feels like a task --they're human beings. I like the idea that I can be fair and treat them less like a box to tick off and more like individuals with likes, dislikes, and different learning needs.

And me? I understand more. For those of you unfamiliar with it, this is the Communication Bill of Rights (yes, it's a thing):

All people with a disability of any extent or severity have a basic right to affect, through communication, the conditions of their existence. Beyond this general right, a number of specific communication rights should be ensured in all daily interactions and interventions involving persons who have severe disabilities. To participate fully in communication interactions, each person has these fundamental communication rights:

1. The right to interact socially, maintain social closeness, and build relationships
2. The right to request desired objects, actions, events, and people
3. The right to refuse or reject undesired objects, actions, events, or choices
4. The right to express personal preferences and feelings
5. The right to make choices from meaningful alternatives
6. The right to make comments and share opinions
7. The right to ask for and give information, including information about changes in routine and environment
8. The right to be informed about people and events in one’s life
9. The right to access interventions and supports that improve communication
10. The right to have communication acts acknowledged and responded to even when the desired outcome cannot be realized
11. The right to have access to functioning AAC (augmentative and alternative communication) and other AT (assistive technology) services and devices at all times
12. The right to access environmental contexts, interactions, and opportunities that promote participation as full communication partners with other people, including peers
13. The right to be treated with dignity and addressed with respect and courtesy
14. The right to be addressed directly and not be spoken for or talked about in the third
    person while present
15. The right to have clear, meaningful, and culturally and linguistically appropriate communications 

 

It's written specifically for people with severe disabilities and communication difficulties, but if you think about it, it's about all of us. I've been thinking about that a lot lately, about the importance of being able to interact with others and feel safe and respected. We are all autonomous beings, and we all have something in us that is unique and distinct. Looking at the Communication Bill of Rights this morning, as I get ready to start my NaNoWriMo writing for the day, I am particularly struck by Communication Right Number 11. For a person who cannot speak, the AAC device is their voice. It is incredibly important to allow people access to their voices. I understand more and more what an honor it is to be able to help people learn to use their voices to say whatever it is they feel they need to say. Everyone has a voice --some are louder than others, but everyone has a right to be heard.

Have a good day today and don't forget to use your voice however you see fit. It's your right.

 

the lesson in grasses

the lesson in grasses.


grasses twist
not like twigs
that snap
in a stiff gust
they dance
they spin
this way 
and that
based on
the whims 
of the wind
the infinite 
dictator
they are
inconstant
untrue
the grasses
except

grasses
do not
blow away
in a stiff gust

they remain
with the resolve
in their roots

are you your disability?

"Disabilities is an umbrella term, covering impairments, activity limitations, and participation restrictions. An impairment is a problem in body function or structure; an activity limitation is a difficulty encountered by an individual in executing a task or action; while a participation restriction is a problem experienced by an individual in involvement in life situations." 

-the person who makes up definitions for the World Health Organization

I think about disability a lot. Why? I just do. Pretty sure many people don't think about it at all, so maybe I'm overcompensating? Somebody's got to think about it, right?

Tonight, I'm thinking about it in terms of labels and identity.

What is a "disabled person"? Looking at the WHO definition above, a person with a disability has an impairment (or health condition) of some kind --cognitive, sensory, motor, etc. There is generally something the person can't do as a result of the impairment. Sometimes that thing the person can't do is an activity; sometimes, it's more broad participation in life type stuff. There are disabilities based in chronic conditions, or that come and go with conditions that improve and worsen at various times, or that are based in parts of the body that are missing, or that there are too many of, or so on and so forth. Disabilities can be based in genetics, or they can be based in something that happened yesterday. Disability is a very complex thing.

It's hard to think about people being defined in terms of what they can't do. To be defined by one part of who you are as a person, and for that part to be something that isn't [fill in the blank] enough? It seems overly restrictive.

That's when we wander over toward differently abled and "I don't see the disability". In its own way, this seems restrictive, too. Don't stare. We don't talk about that. Move along --there's nothing to see here.

I'm all for treating people like people. I'm all for acknowledging differences. I'm all for identifying ways in which we are the same. 

And I'm all for listening when you communicate about what's important to you. You may or may not be your disability. More than likely, it's not an either-or thing.

I'll let you decide.

fate

Trigger warning: current events

It seems like you were destined to stop by and read this blog post. It's kismet. This blog post drew the iron of your soul in like a magnet ...

Okay, I'll stop. You are reading this blog post because I wrote it and you were kind enough to humor me. Thank you.

I have been thinking about fate a lot lately --predetermination, luck, chance. etc. Whatever you want to call it, I've been thinking about it a lot.

I've been working on a play based on the short story, "The Lady, or The Tiger?" by Frank R. Stockton (click on the title and it'll take you to a free copy --it's a quick read and well worth the effort). 

Although it was written in 1882, it is extremely timely given the current state of affairs in the U.S. In it, a despot has devised a system of justice where the accused determines whether he (all of the accused are men in the story) is guilty or innocent by opening one of two doors: if he opens the door with the tiger behind it, he was guilty and gets eaten; or if he opens the door with the lady behind it, he was innocent and gets married. It is unknown to the accused which door is which, but whichever he chooses, he determines his own fate.

The current geopolitical climate also makes one think long and hard on fate. In my life, I am fortunate to know some Christians who try very hard to be good Christians --my sister, and my friends Melissa and Tela, and some other friends from work. I became aware of a theological approach within Christianity called dispensationalism back in the Reagan era (I was a really strange kid with unusual interests), and it was an anomaly back in the day. It seems that dispensationalism is catching on nowadays, though. I've had many discussions with my sister recently about End Times, for example. The idea that what is happening now was foretold in the Book of Revelation and that the end of the world is coming seems to be more popular now than it has in past years.

Spoiler alert: I have a problem with the idea of fate.

In the case of the short story, the despotic King decided who would be accused and would be forced to make the choice between the tiger or the lady, and it was in his arena. He designed the system, mainly as a way to distract people into compliance but also because he had a bit of an authoritarian sadistic streak. Examined that way, it wasn't fate at all that determined whether those men lived or died --it was the King's choice and the King's system. Maybe the man didn't have much say over it, but fate? Fate means it was inevitable. That system was not inevitable --it was one man's creation, and everyone else just went along with it.

In the case of the Bible, it seems a bit like when you have a hammer, everything's a nail. A man wrote the Book of Revelation --whether you believe it was divinely inspired or not, a man wrote it. Furthermore, it is not written in specifics; it is open to interpretation. Is it now? Is it a thousand years from now? People tend to think in the timelines of their lifespan, so naturally, it must mean now, right? Furthermore furthermore, if you believe in the Bible and believe that is where it all heads and you think this all part of a bigger plan, I don't understand why anyone does anything. It makes no sense. Why be aggressive? Why be defensive? Why do anything? If it's going to happen anyway, surely no one needs to do anything. It sounds to me like a self-fulfilling prophecy, and I know for certain there are people who are exploiting it for their own ends in the here and now. If you are a true believer (and there are people who purport to be who ...I'm not sure about), why not wait and see what the actual plan is? Save yourself the stress. How come only people in positions of power or with money are the ones who are permitted to act and everyone else is supposed to accept what people in positions of power come up with passively? Surely we should all act, or we should all passively accept whatever happens next. What makes them different? Pretty sure they're human, too. To me, it all smacks of man doing what man wants again in a linear-compulsive thinking sort of way with a side of greed and ego and enabling, but what do I know?

Here's what I do know: I'm responsible for my actions. I do not turn that responsibility over to anyone else. Will things happen that are beyond my control? Yup. Daily. Other things will happen that I've set in motion through choices I made at an earlier time. Others are accidents. And there are things that happen that I don't understand because I don't know everything --I'm human. The worst is watching when other people make choices that make our collective experience here on Earth worse rather than better. I can make a choice to tell them to cut it out, but I can't necessarily control what they'll do next.

But fate? Inevitability? Meh.

It is my fate to sign off now. I hope that you are fated to have a great day.