file under 'will never be published' (no. 9)

File Under 'Will Never Be Published' (no. 9): Shoes! Glorious Shoes!

I'm feeling super shallow tonight. It's Friday night and it's been a serious week. Serious is not what's needed. Too much serious going on. Forget serious! Shoes, baby!

Background: I love rhyming. I tend to think in terms of the sounds of words. Once upon a time, I studied Phonetics and Linguistics, if you require proof of my love of speech sounds. When I write, I think about every word in terms of how it sounds with the words around it. Rhyme makes me happy. Yes, I'm a dork. I'll own it.

Well, I love rhyme, but apparently, it's not very fashionable. I wrote this piece thinking, "What fun! Surely a book about shoes will be snatched up by children's publishers!"

Uh, no.

There's this curse, seldom mentioned outside the realm of children's literature --not so much a curse as a double-edged sword: 

On one side of the sword, we have Dr. Seuss and all he contributed to the world; but on the other side of the sword, we have Dr. Seuss, against whose work your work will always be compared and found lacking, if you write rhymes for children. If you are thinking about getting into writing for children, you should know about this unspoken truth and keep it in mind.

Dr. Seuss is personal hero of mine. I know I'm not as good as him. I also know that my personal writing preferences include both rhyme and writing for children. So what do I do?

I try my best, and I do it anyway. I'm not him. There was only one Theodor Geisel, and it ain't me. Would he be so shallow as to write about shoes? Probably not.

But I would!

This will never be published because 1) rhyme's not currently cool, 2) I'm not Dr. Seuss (who is thought to be cool, yet rhymes --figure that out!), and 3) well, you'll see. I went way overboard with the theme --and I would do it again! 

Shoes! Glorious Shoes!

Shoes! Those shoes!

Those glorious shoes!


There are so many shoes

from which we can choose!

There are boots for the rain;

There are sandals for sand;

There are sneakers to wear

On your left or right hand.

(No, there are sneakers for feet

When it’s time to compete


In a really fast run


As you sprint down the street. )

There are boots for the snow;

There are platforms for shorties;

There are clogs to slip on


For your tired Over-Forties.

There are ski boots for skiing,

And hikers for hiking,


And walkers for walking,


And bike shoes for biking.

There are heels for spouses

To wear with their blouses

And, maybe, a pair


Of some really nice trousers.

Dancers tap on their tappers,

They ballet en pointe;

Queens can put on


Any shoes that they want.

There are sensible flats;


Mary Janes that are fancy;

There are shoes that hold on

When you start feeling dance-y.

There are boots –look at these! –

That come to the knees


Of big, burly lumberjacks

Cutting down trees.

There are spikes just for golf,

And house slippers for slipping;

There are shoes with loose laces

That seem made just for tripping.

There are specialty shoes


That are made for prosthetics;

There are a wide range of shoes

That are made for athletics.

There are shoes in all colors:

Red, green, oranges, and blues –

There are so many choices


That I really can’t choose!

Shoes, so many glorious shoes!


There are so many shoes from which we can choose!

Sometimes, though ... Sometimes,

I find –just for fun –


The best shoes we can choose

Are when we choose none.