collecting the scatterings

It always starts with good intentions, doesn't it?

An idea! And sometimes, that idea leads to another and another, in a direct line. That's how writing starts.

I have issues with attention and focus. I tend to think in twenty different directions at once, which is not helped by the nature of modern life. 

Additionally, I have issues with memory. If I don't do something straightaway, I have a tendency to forget about it. 

Additionally additionally, I have issues with executive functioning. For someone who has issues with attention, focus, and memory, there are certain ways to compensate for these issues, which I seem not to do because this time I'll remember, and ooh, what's that shiny thing over there ...!

I had an idea last week (I think it was last week --memory and all that ...) that I think is a good one. Last week, I also came across a publisher seeking experimental poetry written in classic forms. I thought I would try to combine the two.

Every idea has a form of writing that will work to enhance what it is. I had a great experience with this over the summer when an idea I had coincided with a request for 1-2 character plays. Let's just say, this new idea does not interact well with experimental poetry written in classic forms. I tried it. It doesn't --not at all.

So this blog post is to collect the scatterings of that idea in prose. Maybe it was only meant to be an outline? Maybe I'll do something with it later. Maybe I won't.

The idea was this: it centers around the lamassus in what is now Iraq, but was Assyrian when they were created. They are enormous figures with the head of a bearded man and the body of either a bull or lion and a bird of some sort.

I read an article in the Smithsonian magazine on an archaeologist in Mosul and lamassus played a part in the article. This is what inspired the idea in the first place. Prior to that, I had no idea what these things were called.

Back around the turn of the 19th/20th Century, archaeologists from Europe were busy excavating historical artifacts in the area, the most famous of whom was Max Mallowan (Mr. Agatha Christie, who also spent time here). They performed their excavations and shipped their discoveries off to Europe, ostensibly for safe keeping from the locals or perhaps from the elements or anyhow from people who didn't appreciate them in exactly the right way. You can now see the lamassus in museums like the Louvre and the British Museum --where I saw them many years ago, but I didn't realize what they were. 

One interesting piece of trivia about these lamassus is that their original purpose was to protect the area (specifically the palace,  I believe, but I'm no expert). So European archaeologists removed them and sent them to Europe. If one were superstitious, one would wonder whether the protection of the lamassus was removed along with them ...

Flash forward to now and the article about the Iraqi archaeologist in Mosul. The area was captured by ISIS for a period of time and has now been recaptured but just. The lamassus that were still located in the area were targeted by ISIS during their occupation in the same way the Buddha in Afghanistan had been by Al-Qaeda, and for the same reason.

My idea, which I still can't fully wrap my head around, is this: did the original archaeologists do the area a disservice by removing the statues in the first place, thus leaving the area unprotected; or did their actions end up saving the ones that were removed preemptively; or ...? The area did end up overrun by people who did not appreciate the lamassus, to put it mildly. However, the removal of the lamassus in the first place was cultural imperialism ("You couldn't possibly know how to take care of these the right way. Here, let us get that for you. There, there ..."), and it is an Iraqi who is risking her life to account for the remaining artifacts and protect them as best she can. The lamassus make excellent representative symbols of a lot of questions I have about the world.

And when you throw in me, an American woman, writing about the whole thing in a Western poetic form (cultural appropriation, anyone?), it gets very confusing. And bad --trust me, the poem was bad.

So I'll just leave it as a blog post about the idea that got away. Writers don't use all of their ideas --or they shouldn't, at least not all at once, I don't think. Maybe I'll find the right form at some point to ponder the questions I have. Maybe I won't. At least now my scatterings are collected somewhere, and I can look at them again if and when the time comes.

Good luck with your writing, too. Good luck collecting your scatterings that don't quite add up, and good luck with maybe finding their proper form in the future. They can't all be winners, but it doesn't mean they're bad.

magic trick

Ladies and gentlemen, people of all ages, I am about to attempt magic!

I got this idea last night when I couldn't sleep --always the birthplace of excellent ideas, no? 

My idea: to turn water into wine.

I know what you're thinking: it's been done. True. But has it ever been done on a blog by me? I think not. For those of you who were thinking, "Can I drink it when you're done?" No. All mine. Make your own. I can't get it through the Internets without electrocuting myself anyway --been there, done that ...

So here we go *cracks knuckles" ...

WATER

WAITER

WRITER

WRITE

RITE

SITE

SINE

WINE

Bonus that it even ended up goblet-shaped!

The point of this was not sacrilege. Miracles may happen, but you cannot determine when and where they will happen --we cannot control these things. We may not always be capable of miracles ourselves, but what we are capable of is thinking outside of the (wine) box. The above is an old game you play by starting with one word and changing it into another by adding, changing or eliminating one letter. In this case, I turned water into wine.

(Incidentally, nature also turns water into wine regularly, when rain- and groundwater gets into grapevine roots, travels up to the grapes, etc. But nature is not a person, so I don't know if that counts.)

Try things. Don't be afraid to be creative --you never know where solutions (not necessarily miracles or magic) will lie.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to go buy a bottle of something to celebrate. Have a lovely rest of your day.

famous person says ...

Please stand for our National Anthem ...

Okay, you don't really have to, for a couple of reasons: 1) I'm not sure which country you're reading this in; and 2) even I were to play the National Anthem of any given country, you wouldn't hear it anyway because this is a blog post and you are reading and can't hear what's going on here. Please remain seated (or lay down or stand on your head --whatever you like).

I was merely referencing current events. No, not the current events about threats to the end of humanity or ongoing war or natural disasters. No, not those. I was referring to football players choosing to protest inequities by not being present for or kneeling for the National Anthem of the United States prior to football games. Some people see this as disrespectful to a variety of things including the United States, U.S. Veterans, and Donald Trump.

Feel what you like about this issue, but I am very intrigued by one criticism that keeps popping up.

These players gets paid millions of dollars to play football and they're lucky to be able to do that and receive that salary. Somehow, this means they're supposed to not say anything because the system, as it currently stands, benefits them. They have fame and fortune, so what do they have to complain about?

A similar criticism is leveled at other celebrities of all political persuasions who have political opinions. The assumption is that they are abusing their position by stating their beliefs, and that somehow they are unqualified to have opinions on the basis of their participation in the arts or sports.

Here's the thing: they are citizens, too.

Are they in a peculiar position? 

Absolutely. People listen to them --lots of people listen to them. 

Does that mean that they cannot have or state their political beliefs? 

No. 

And what makes them qualified to have political beliefs? 

I would respond to this question with a question. My question would be, what the hell kind of question is that? 

Are you? Yes? 

Am I? Yes? 

Then why on Earth would they be any different?

Like any other citizen, one would hope that the politically-minded celebrity would educate themselves on the issue they are interested in. Sometimes, they don't.

Guess what, though: we do that, too. And it is up to us, not them, to consider how we form our opinions. They simply get the issue publicity by virtue of choosing to speak publicly. It is up to us to decide if we agree or disagree by seeking out additional information. It doesn't mean they shouldn't speak their mind. Freedom of speech applies to all citizens.

I personally am happy to live in a place where all citizens are encouraged to participate in political discourse, be it for the status quo or against it. I am encouraged that people who are in otherwise very comfortable positions choose to deflect some of that glory onto people who don't always get heard. I am thankful for nonviolent protest because it shows us where things aren't working or where we need more dialogue.

Anyhow, you can agree with what a famous person says or disagree with them --just like you can with your uncle or coworker or stranger on the street corner. Their opinions hold no more importance than any of those other citizens, and I think that's where confusion comes into the situation.

Civic engagement can take many forms, and that's a good thing.

the lesson in grasses

the lesson in grasses.


grasses twist
not like twigs
that snap
in a stiff gust
they dance
they spin
this way 
and that
based on
the whims 
of the wind
the infinite 
dictator
they are
inconstant
untrue
the grasses
except

grasses
do not
blow away
in a stiff gust

they remain
with the resolve
in their roots

the issue with solutions

I started therapy recently with a lovely therapist who uses ACT (that's Acceptance and Commitment Therapy --yes, I had to look it up) and Attachment Theory. It is amazing to me that I can talk about it. Back in the day, this meant there was something seriously Wrong with me, with a capital W; nowadays, I think it is viewed by more and more people as a positive thing --more importantly, I view it as a positive thing, and I'm not hurting anyone by doing it. I am dealing with what I carry around inside, whereas in the old days, I would have been expected to reach for Mother's Little Helper and soldier on.

So my lovely therapist asked me if there was anything that bothered me about our interactions so far.

"Um ...," I wracked my brain trying to think of something, "You haven't told me what to do? I mean, I know that's not what therapy is supposed to be about, but you asked me for something and that's all I could come up with!"

"That's good!" she said, being very lovely and accepting.

"I mean ...," I continued, because once the flood gates open, they tend not to close again very easily, "Actually, everything's been very nice, but I know that part of my issue is that I tend to be indecisive, and then people who know what they want make decisions in the interim, and I go along with it because it really matters to them and it doesn't matter as much to me, but then on reflection, it really does matter to me, and I would have chosen something different, or maybe something the same, but I essentially abdicated my responsibility for making my own choices because I am not quick in my decision making ..."

At that point, I had to stop to breathe.

If you have never been to therapy, that is how I see therapy. She says very little, and most of that 'very little' is questions, with the rest being acknowledgment of what I said. I fill in what would otherwise be large gaps of silence with what likely sounds like gibberish, but it does answer the questions to the best of my ability. The exchange leaves me feeling simultaneously stupid and better.

I don't believe that therapy will solve anything for me --that's what I've figured out. Then why do it, the pragmatists in the audience may be asking now? 

It's not because my therapist is lovely (although that helps). I think it allows me address the things that I try to ignore. Historically, I do not address things that bother me directly --I feel like I haven't tried hard enough to see the other person's perspective and I'm being selfish, and then, I take that out on myself. I let things go, and yet, they haven't truly gone at times. If I haven't let things go, even though I've tried to let them go, then what is that?

Maybe therapy isn't supposed to be about solutions. Maybe it's about getting to know yourself, because in a lot of ways, we are taught to ignore parts of ourselves that don't fit with the world's grand plan (or others' grand plans, if we're being truly honest). Maybe it's about dealing with things and then life goes on, or it doesn't go on and then everything falls apart and then life goes on again. Maybe I'm being too selfless, or too selfish, or something in between, or some combination thereof, all situation dependent. Who knows?

All I know is, therapy's okay --doesn't solve anything, but it's okay.

If anyone has questions about therapy, please let me know --I'm happy to share my limited experience. It doesn't solve anything, but it certainly doesn't hurt anything, either.

croissant lady

I am a flake. Not the semi-delicious Cadbury creation --a flake in the human sense. In case I had any doubts about my flakiness, I have it on good authority from sources outside of myself that I am a flake. Are you a flake, too?

What is a flake anyway? The definition I found on the Interweb suggests that a flake is a person who is crazy, eccentric, or unreliable. Based on recent use of the term 'snowflake', I would also add sensitive.

What is wrong with being sensitive? Or eccentric? And what the heck does 'crazy' mean anyway?

I get the thing about unreliable, but honestly, sometimes things need to fall apart because they do fall apart (see William Butler Yeats or Chinua Achebe if you are in doubt about this). And reliable in what sense? I've had the same job for 15 years and I pay my bills, if that's the metric you use to define 'reliable'. I'm sure plenty of flakes do (and the ones who don't, I can guarantee you, beat themselves up about it because they are sensitive, remember?). We also try to show up for people because we know what it is to need people --flakes are so full of empathy and emotion, it's hard to function sometimes.

Perhaps if we thought of ourselves like croissants, buttery in our lightness, prone to breaking off in leaves in response to the world around us, but still whole inside? Or some other better metaphor that would say we're not so bad, really? We're flexible, empathetic, responsive, ...

Flaky. It's not so bad.

the Proust questionnaire (no. 2)

Next up, we have my friend Tela. She lives here in the U.S. (but on that other coast), and she is pretty amazing. She is a small business owner (technically, you are, Tela!) who grooms dogs.

I'd like to apologize for the bands that show up in these Proust interviews. Apparently, Blogger has issues with copying and pasting. Still good content, though! Get to know Tela ...



What is your idea of perfect happiness? 

Walking hand-in-hand through life with a partner who loves me as much as I love him.

What is your greatest fear? 

Failure


What is the trait you most deplore in yourself? 

My insecurity 

What is the trait you most deplore in others?

A judgmental, arrogant attitude/outlook that makes them believe they are always right.

Which living person do you most admire? 

My two sons. They have been through so much in their young lives and are still so willing to love. 

What is your greatest extravagance? 

My hobbies, show dogs and art supplies

What is your current state of mind? 

Unsure about myself and my future

What do you consider the most overrated virtue? 

Beauty

On what occasion do you lie? 

To spare other’s feelings or to avoid conflict

What do you most dislike about your appearance? 

My weight. I wish I was skinnier.

Which living person do you most despise? 

I don’t despise anyone, at least not that I can think of.

What is the quality you most like in a man? 

The ability to be in charge but not overbearing, as well as self-controlled, and intelligent.

What is the quality you most like in a woman? 

Quiet confidence and intelligence

Which words or phrases do you most overuse? 

I’m not aware any at the moment. Whenever I become aware of phrases or words I am overusing, I stop using them.

What or who is the greatest love of your life? 

Dogs and drawing are my greatest passions. As for who is my greatest love in life, I think it’s too soon to answer that question.

When and where were you happiest? 

Most recently was the times Jeff and I were together. Everything before has been so shrouded in tragedy, I can’t seem to remember my “happiest.”

Which talent would you most like to have? 

I have always wished to be able to write comedy

If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be? 

My timidity

What do you consider your greatest achievement? 

Not so much an achievement but having the privilege of being the person allowed to walk with my late husband through his illness and death. (There may be too many words in that sentence, but I don’t know how else to convey it)

If you were to die and come back as a person or a thing, what would it be? 

A turkey vulture. They have the best life…gliding through the sky, nothing bothers them, food just laying around.

Where would you most like to live? 

I would love to live in a mountainside cabin

What is your most treasured possession? 

My pets, my art supplies, my iPad, and my car

What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery? 

Never finding love again

What is your favorite occupation? 

The occupation I most admire is medical doctors.

What is your most marked characteristic? 

Compassion, gentleness, and patience

What do you most value in your friends? 

Understanding and acceptance

Who are your favorite writers? 

I really don’t have a favorite writer

Who is your hero of fiction? 

Not so much a “hero,” but my favorite fictional character is Winston Smith in 1984. I identify with the way his mind works. He desperately needs to rebel, but is always aware of the risks and his ultimate fate….but he hopes, anyway.

Which historical figure do you most identify with? 

Job from the Old Testament

Who are your heroes in real life? 

The closest I have to a real life hero is my father. He is an Air Force veteran, a man of faith with a skeptical, scientific mind, and a sharp wit. He taught me to always think for myself, and gave me my sense of humor.

What are your favorite names? 

I like unique names.

What is it that you most dislike? 

I most dislike when people are cruel. Cruelty is never justified or necessary.

What is your greatest regret? 

Dating that awful boy in high school and allowing him to damage me so much.

How would you like to die? 

I would prefer not to die, but if I must, peacefully in my sleep.

What is your motto? 

Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness, Gentleness, and Self-control

the Proust questionnaire (no. 1)

Branching out today: 

I thought I'd try an interview because learning about people is something I enjoy. Being fundamentally lazy ...I mean, efficient, I figured I'd save myself a bit of effort and use a questionnaire developed by Marcel Proust, the French novelist. Why recreate the wheel when the wheel is already available on the Internet and it works quite well?

Today, for the inaugural Proust questionnaire (at least on this blog), I am interviewing Michael Topic, whom I have actually interviewed before in a different time called early 2016. The world was very different then. It will be interesting to see if his answers have changed. Michael is a creator (I don't know what else to call him!) who lives in the UK. So, here we go: get to know Michael.

1. What is your idea of perfect happiness? 

Having the ability to create without worrying about finances, with those I love near.


2. What is your greatest fear? 

Losing my creative abilities.


3. What is the trait you most deplore in yourself? 

The inability to influence people with new ideas they need.


4. What is the trait you most deplore in others?

Needless overcautiousness and conservatism. I also dislike heartless people.


5. Which living person do you most admire? 

Can't think of a single one. People in the public consciousness are often badly flawed - even the brilliant ones.


6. What is your greatest extravagance? 

Musical equipment.


7. What is your current state of mind? 

Jaded, but quietly determined.


8. What do you consider the most overrated virtue? 

Resisting change in order to look wise. That's just posturing, but at a horrendous cost.


9. On what occasion do you lie? 

When telling the full truth would be needlessly hurtful.


10. What do you most dislike about your appearance? 

My weight got out of my control because I blindly followed orthodox, official nutritional advice, which turned out to be pure quackery. I'm getting it back to healthy.


11. Which living person do you most despise? 

There are so many world leaders, corporate heads and authority figures that fall into this category.


12. What is the quality you most like in a man? 

Gentleness.


13. What is the quality you most like in a woman? 

Compassionate intelligence.


14. Which words or phrases do you most overuse? 

I'm blind to my own overuse of cliches. No idea.


15. What or who is the greatest love of your life? 

My wife and kids.


16. When and where were you happiest? 

When making music, wherever I get to do that.


17. Which talent would you most like to have? 

I wish I could cause positive change without so many people wanting to stop me at all costs.


18. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be? 

My tendency to get snarky when highly stressed.


19. What do you consider your greatest achievement? 

Fatherhood.


20. If you were to die and come back as a person or a thing, what would it be? 

Someone enlightened and wise.



21. Where would you most like to live? 

In a world that thought differently to this one. The obsession with money-making spoils everywhere.


22. What is your most treasured possession? 

My late father's snare drum and his favourite drum sticks.


23. What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery? 

Feeling rejected and irrelevant.


24. What is your favorite occupation? 

Making and learning.


25. What is your most marked characteristic? 

Passionate enthusiasm.


26. What do you most value in your friends? 

Playfulness and loyalty.


27. Who are your favorite writers? 

I read so much, that there are too many to list, but also too few that truly stand out.


28. Who is your hero of fiction? 

I don't really believe in heroes, but I liked how the Hermione Granger character was written.


29. Which historical figure do you most identify with? 

Carl Sagan


30. Who are your heroes in real life? 

To me, there is no such thing as a hero, but I like people who tend to have moments of lucid insight and exhibit fearless integrity. Even heroes are vulnerable and human.


31. What are your favorite names? 

The names we gave our kids. We thought long and hard about those.


32. What is it that you most dislike? 

Greed.


33. What is your greatest regret? 

Spending so much of my life working extremely hard for arseholes.


34. How would you like to die? 

Peacefully


35. What is your motto? 

Imagine, invent, inspire, create, encourage, enlighten and edify.