a mother's love

I'd like to explain what makes a mother tonight. I've seen blogs in tribute to special mothers (I'll provide links down below to a few excellent ones written by friends) and I've seen blogs which provide tips to mothers on parenting, but I haven't seen anything that really tries to explain what makes a mother.

Being a mother is a thought process. In that thought process, the child is first. There is a common saying that you have to take care of yourself before you can take care of anybody else. There is the notice they provide on planes before take off about putting on your own mask before you put masks on anyone else in the event that the air cabin pressure drops. A mother hears that advice, knows that advice makes sense, and yet, and yet ...

The care is provided to the child first. The child gets the mask first. A mother will attempt self-care --sometimes successfully. More often than not, it will look like a few minutes stolen. More often than not, it will be tinged with guilt --she should be doing more, she will hear in the back of her mind. She was a woman before she was a mother, but once a mother, she struggles to find a balance because there's another small part of her moving around in the world. 

This struggle for balance is not the fault of the child. The child did nothing except come into the world and need love. Being a mother is a thought process that travels from the child who needs love to a desperate need to provide that love. Mothers get tired --desperation is exhausting. This is not the fault of the child. It's just the way a mother thinks, that desperate need to love.

The mother will love the child regardless. All of us with mothers (and I am using the term 'mother' to describe a woman who approaches life in a certain way --it has nothing whatsoever to do with the ability to bear children or not) can remember times when we were less than ideal children. We made mistakes. A mother may snap a bit --mothers do fatigue --but a mother will make sure the child knows that love is always there. The love does not come with conditions. All the child has to do is exist, and the child is loved.

A mother hates to watch the child suffer. Mothers would love nothing more than to erase all suffering, even though that's an impossibility. Where she can, a mother will attempt to attack the source of the suffering ("Don't you mess with my kid!"); where that's not possible, she offers comfort. There is no greater fear for a mother than the thought that the child would be without love or would suffer without comfort.

I know these feelings well personally. I've written about them before. I felt like writing about them tonight in tribute to my friend Les' mother (it's her birthday today, and birthdays should be celebrated), in tribute to my own mother for her love, and in tribute to my son, who taught me these things I didn't understand.

So, a few examples of excellent blog posts by friends in tributes to their mothers. Click on the author's name to access their blog posts --good reads all:

Les Floyd

Stacy Koster (who is also a formidable mother herself)

Michael Topic

Regardless of what's going on around you, feel better knowing that this kind of love exists in the world.